It's the most cliche thing to say, this time of year, but I want to make that change.
I'm not honest enough. I'm not strong enough. I'm not brave enough for the changes that lie ahead of me.
I'm greedy, selfish, and judgmental. I can be quite bitter when wounded, so I try never to let anyone see when I am.
I need to make a real change. Unfortunately, every step I have to take is a process of smaller steps, and I'm also very impatient.
Thankfully, I'm from a long line of bullheaded genes, on both sides of my tree. I just have to get past the procrastination I've developed from my generation. Then I'll likely be able to push through the time it will take for all of my ambition to pan out.
I'm willing to admit it's all a slow pace because I am so afraid of change. Change is dangerous, full of risk. I prefer simplicity, safe, settled.....but....
I have this yearning to get more than safe, more than settled and simple. I need more than surviving, I need the risks, the experiences, the adventures....
So, I'm taking the steps that are a process of little steps, and I'm learning to be patient, and I'm learning to be truthful.
I'm hoping that by the end of this journey, maybe I won't have just consumed and populated. Maybe I'll have contributed too. I want to become more than what I am. Better than what I am.
Maybe someday he'll see that, and want me....
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